I saw my pediatrician yesterday. She’s a great doc and I feel lucky to have found her. I asked about vaccinations and she recommends repeating them. She also recommends completing a newborn panel, a referral to the birth-to-three program, and frequent visits. She has experience with several internationally adopted kids over the years, but if I question her decisions, I know of other pediatricians that special in post-institutionalized children.

I asked about giving Grace milk or formula, and she recommends formula because of the extra benefits of vitamins, minerals, etc. In addition, she needs to write the letter to ask for the 10-day wait to be waived and have it notarized, along with a copy of her license. There’s plenty of time to get that done before Trip #2.

As for my medical report, CHI says that I will have the eight-doctor medical review done in Moscow at an American medical clinic. However, I still need to see my psychiatrist and my primary-care doctor for the third time. They both need to provide notarized documents that say that I am healthy enough to raise a child.

All of this scrutiny is really making me think about my health. I usually live in denial about my weight, but am now very concerned and am watching what I eat. The trip to Russia last week left me a little bit lighter, but I have a long way to go. Now that I am responsible for another human being, keeping healthy is more important.

I'm HOME! Just so every one knows.... We made it home at 12:30 am CDT.

Dad and I made it home safely. It was about 24 hours from door to door. The snow on the car ride home from O'Hare did not make it any easier! We're both pretty tired.

I want to thank Karen for driving us and doing a great job in the snow. And Dad for being such a trooper!

It was a fantastic trip and I can't wait to go back on February 12!

How do you like this picture? A Brett Favre matryoshka doll... in Moscow! If you open him up, they have five more players... Green, Driver, etc. What a hoot! They also had a Wisconsin doll with the quarterback's name on the outside... Stocco!
The picture below is a 200 ton bell that fell from a bell tower in the Kremlin. An 11 ton section broke off after one of the many fires that Moscow endured.

The picture below is a monument to Peter the Great. Kinda looks like Columbus, too.

The picture below is one of the gate that the Communists used to charge the Kremlin during the revolution.
A nice park and lake near a "nunnery".
The Russian Orthodox Church, that was just rebuilt after the fall of Commuinism. Dad and I went in. Men take off their hats. Women must wear a hat.

Moscow Site-seeing

Here's a picture of us at St. Basil's Cathedral. It was built in the 1600's for Ivan the Terrible. He was so impressed with the architect, that the had the architect blinded so that he could never build another structure more beautiful.

It's in Red Square. Red means beautiful in Russia.

To my Aunt Gayle: Dad hasn't worn his long underwear, yet. It's very warm here. It's been cloudy every day and it is usually mists or rains every day. There is no snow on the ground.

When I am introduced to a Russian, they usually start the conversation by apologizing for the weather. Everyone wants snow. They think this humidity is bad for your health and the weather makes you sick. They dress VERY warmly, even though it's around 40 degrees F. Our guide today told us that the flowers and trees are beginning to bloom and that the bears at the zoo are not hibernating!!

Court Date!

Here's a picture of me and Dad on a pedestrian shopping street in Tver... like State Street in Madison.

I saw a judge today in Tver. He was big and burly, about 60 years old. He did a cursory review of my adoption documents and asked me a few questions. I was very nervous going in, because the agency guide was preparing me for the worst. It turned out to be very straightforward.

My tentative court date is Feb. 16. Mom and I need to leave February 12 to be here early. (Mom, I hope you're reading this!) It will be a 2-3 week trip. They've just changed some document requirements. Of course, I am the first to struggle with these new requirements. I have to see eight different doctors to evaluate me and determine that I am healthy enough to be a mother. I've asked my agency to push back a little and ask why this is now required.

I can't believe I have to leave Grace behind. We were just starting to get to know each other. I feel terrible leaving her in such poverty. I know that she is basically OK, but she could have so much more with me. I can't stop thinking about her and the condition of the baby home. Please pray to keep her safe while I am away.

We arrived in Moscow on Friday evening. We're at a hoighty-toighty hotel and plan to see the Red Square and the Kremlin tomorrow. Dad seems to be feeling better. I am grateful that I have stayed healthy during this trip. I'm looking forward to the diversion and making the time pass quickly between now and my next trip. I can't wait to get back to Kashin and baby Grace.

Lines, lines, lines... I needed to change more dollars to rubles today. I did it while we were waiting for our court appointment. (Dad was taking a nap.) The bank was nearby – a three block walk. I tried my best to look Russian – I kept my head down while walking and kept at a brisk pace. I tried to exude assertiveness! (This was my first walk alone in Tver.) There were about eight people standing in line in front of me. It took ten minutes to get to the cashier. Then, she said I was in the wrong window. I went to the correct window and stood behind two people. Ten minutes later, I said “dollars into rubles, please” in Russian – at least, that's what I think I said! The cashier smiled and nodded. It took her about five minutes to enter my passport information, check the ten $50 bills that I gave her three times with UV light and another scanner, count the rubles three times, and hand-write a receipt. Crazy inefficiency! No wonder everything takes so long!

Also, on the way to the bank you can see the brand new Hotel Osnabruk next to an empty lot full of garbage. The house next to this lot is probably 100 years old, with wood siding in need of paint. In general, the houses are in disrepair. Typical homes have ornate window trim painted white, which is beautiful but odd next to the simple construction of the rest of the house. It looks like cake frosting on a dirty, old shoe box. Across the street from the hotel, an old house is missing 30% of the roof. But, some of the windows look new. People here live in very poor conditions. It's quite a juxtaposition to see poverty next to a four-star hotel. We also saw many people carrying buckets of water from a public water spigot across the street. We think they were walking to their homes, in the middle of Tver (a city of 200,000) that don't have running water! I believe that Grace came from a family living at an even lower economic status in Kashin.

Dad is such a trooper. He is sick as a dog today. His ear hurt before we left the USA. It was oozing and painful. We got some ear drops – in Russia they sell prescription drugs over the counter, and my sister (the doctor) told us what to ask for. I wrote it down, handed the piece of paper over, and said please in Russian. Worked like a charm. They only cost about $3 and seem to be helping. However, it may have been too late because he is now complaining of a stuffed-up head. He's really tired and takes as many naps as possible today. Maybe the medicine is dilute or different somehow. I hope the doc emails me soon with new instructions on how to care for my patient! It's frustrating because it's 1:00 pm here and 4:00 am in Wisconsin, so I can't call.

Off to Moscow today!

Well, actually, we have a little business to take care of in Tver. I go to the notary and then to court to agree to the adoption. I am nervous about the formality of it, but not as nervous as I was prior to making my decision.

Our Agency will drive us to Moscow after court. I have to admit that they pamper us and I hear the the Moscow Marriott Tverskaya Hotel is even more luxurious... it's a five-start hotel. I'm looking forward to some sight-seeing, but it's bitter-sweet leaving Grace behind. I feel responsible for her and want the best for her. I know that the caretakers at the baby home will work hard to keep her well, but they don't have the resources. They need so much.

It's a bit ironic to see a baby home in poverty, then a 4-star hotel in Tver, and soon a 5-star hotel in Moscow. I wish everyone in the world was warm and had plenty of healthy food to eat.

Dad is already asleep, so I was watching the video tape from today. I forgot to tell you about the teeth!

I was curious about the number of her teeth. She has four on top and two on the bottom. In order to get her to open her mouth, I did a little bit of "I'll show me mine if you show me yours." So, she was touching my mouth and my teeth... it was so cute! A special moment... Then, I remembered the little purple, stuffed animal monkey that plays "When you're happy and you know it clap your hands." Whenever you squeeze his hand, he sings a phrase from the song. So, when Grace touched a tooth, I sang a phrase from the song. It worked well and she thought it was a fun game!

Here's a little bit about my decision making process... I wrote this very early Thursday morning, before the second trip to Kashin...

Why am I evaluating every detail? Because I need to make my decision today. I already told my CHI social worker that I am 99% sure that I will accept this referral. Of course, everyone at the baby home, including Alexi and Luba, are very complimentary... they compliment how pretty Grace is. They tell me that I did a good job comforting Grace when she was about to cry. I'm just not sure how true their intentions are. I'm afraid that they are pushing me into this. I think others may be doing the same. They all have good intentions, but I need to sort through all of it.

My problem is that I previously had my heart set on the fairy-tale ending. Not anymore. My head is clearly in the “hope for the best, plan for the worst” stage. I agonized over this during Christmas, when I was deciding whether or not to travel. I made that decision based on the hope/plan of believing that I could handle the worst. I am a smart cookie. I can do this. I want to be a mom more than anything. I've said that many times. I can handle delays, behavior problems, attention deficit, and possible retardation. I've talked to physicians and social workers about possible outcomes. I understand the issues. I have the resources to cope. I can do it!

I know this is a huge step and I'm not taking this decision lightly. I know that I am affecting Grace's future as well as my own. I want to be Grace's mother...

Grace Aleksandra

Dad is standing in the doorway to the baby home. We guess that the building is a least 200 years old. The caregivers are not paid very much, buy obviously care greatly about the children and look after them as well as they can.

The second day was better than the first day at the Kashin Baby Home. It still took time for Grace to warm up to me, which is only natural.

She came in carrying the purple monkey stuffed animal from the previous day. She was giving it a bear hug and would not let anyone take it way. I held her for about 30 minutes while talking to the Director of the Baby Home and asking questions. We started playing and I coaxed the monkey out of her arms. I set it a few inches away and she was OK. We were sitting on the floor in the middle of the Director's office. I moved the stuffed monkey 4 feet away and Grace immediately ran to it, picked it up, and ran right back into my arms! That was it. The deal was done. She held me and I held her for several minutes. I need her just as much as she needs a mother.

We played for another 30 minutes and then I had the privilege of feeding her lunch. The lunch consisted of a soup with carrots, onions, potatoes and ground meat, then there was a "second course" of thin mashed potates with ground meat. She had a 1/2 piece of dark bread that she held in her hand and fed herself. Finally, a coffee cup with water left over after soaking dried fruit. (Not quite the same vitamins as a cup of 100% juice!)

Finally, it was time to go. I gave her a kiss and said goodbye. She went away with her favorite caregiver. I agreed to adopt her.

Tomorrow we will sign the adoption agreement in front of a notary and then go to a judges office to receive our court date. Friday night we will be taken to Moscow and on Saturday we will do some sight-seeing. We fly home late Sunday night.

The road to Kashin from Tver is 160 kilometers long. It takes about 2 - 2. 5 hours to get there. The road is narrow, with just enough room for two vehicles. There are rarely stripes marking the lanes and the shoulder is a muddy mess. The road signs are different, of course, and I am so grateful that CHI arranges someone to drive us to Kashin. I was able to use the time to organize my questions for the Director of the baby home and ask more questions to Alexi. Of course, one or two naps helped, also.

On the way into Kashin, we stopped in front of the town's sign. The letters are in Cyrillic. Dad and I were nervous standing on the side of the busy road! The town was founded in 1287, and our guide (Alexi) and interpreter (Luba) gave us some history of the town: it was important because it had natural mineral spas and VIPs used to come for long visits.

The second day at the Kashin baby home was better than the first! I've posted pictures of the Ministry of Education in Tver -the large white, stone building- it's the place where I received official permission to visit Grace.

She's beautiful! Wow. Amazing. What a day. A short time to visit with Grace Alexandra, but a good time.

She was totally quiet and passive during the first 15 minutes. That's what I expected, but I felt like a failure. I wasn't sure what to do to console her. At one point, she got that pouting lower lip, so I picked her up and held her to me, whcih calmed her down. It actually worked!

Usually, the caregivers abbreviate the name Alexandra and call her Sasha or Sashula or Shula. I tried that a few times, but I don't think I said it correctly.

I'm sorry that I can't post more tonight. I'm really exhausted - mostly emotionally exhausted. I'll do better tomorrow, I promise!

We made it! It's late Tuesday and I'm writing from my hotel in Tver.

Both of our flights left the gate late, but arrived on time. Moscow airport is not unlike any of the other European airports that I've been through. I was concerned about pick-pocketing, but we used our money belts and were OK. The Moscowites were very well dressed and I felt out of place. I also had several “taxi” offers, which were easy to turn down with a “nyet” and a stern look. I had to remember to not make eye contact and try to wipe the smile off of my face, in order to try to fit in a little bit better.

Our translator met us at after customs. We had to wait for another couple to join us, and boy, am I glad we did! R and C are on their second trip to adopt a three year old boy. It's great to have them here because they are helping me understand what to expect. For example, C told me that she asked for an independent medical review on her first trip but didn't get it. I'm glad I made my intentions clear to Alexi, and hopefully it will get done. Even though I'm doing a little bit of complaining about my agency, I truly believe that everyone that works for CHI is behind us and will give us their best effort.

We never made it to the Ministry of Education or the baby home (orphanage) today. I'm disappointed, but not upset. I have to go with the flow... The plan is to do both tomorrow (Wednesday ) R and C will also go to the same orphanage (Kashin?) with us, because their son and Grace are both there.

I'm so excited! It really hit me when we climbed into the mini-van that whisked us away from Moscow. I'm in Russia! To adopt my daughter!

We arrived in Tver after 3:00, checked into the hotel, and immediately went the bank to exchange dollars for Rubles 26.10 : $1. Then, we walked to the pedestrian street (like State Street in Madison).

We were specifically looking for a Russia-style hat for Dad. We followed the directions that the hotel desk clerk gave us (very sweet!) and found a quaint little hat shop. Some of the fur hats were priced at $300! Dad selected a black, felt beret. We also purchased a fur hat as a souvenir for Karen's friend.

After shopping, we found the cafeteria recommended by Jeana - yes, Jeana, we had your map and it worked perfectly! Thank you so much!

We had a little trouble with electrical connections, but Dad's kit is working for us. We can plug in one electrical device at a time, which is enough to get by. We just have to plan ahead to recharge all of the cameras and laptops.

Dad installed Skype on his laptop and we're able to call via the internet for a VERY reasonable rate. Of course, we need to pay the hotel for using the wireless internet, but it's worth it.
It's now Wednesday morning and I woke up at 5:00 a.m. - to be expected. I was concerned about sleeping, so I've been using an OTC sleeping aid. I think it's helping even though I wake up every hour or so. I feel very good. I am anticipating and have this energy running through me. I suppose it's nervous energy. It's really going to happen today. I'm going to meet my daughter! Why am I concerned about losing sleep??? When I bring Grace home, I'll never sleep the same again! I can't wait!! :) It feels right.

I still need to either approve or reject the referral. They've asked me to make my decision by Thursday night or Friday morning. Not much time. R and C pointed out that we will only have 1 or 2 hours with Grace today and Thursday. Not much time. I'm bringing the Denver developmental list and about 200 questions that I've compiled from several sources.

I'll write more later. I've been getting all kinds of supportive emails from Vicki, Steve, Kathy... Thank you so much for your kind words. I apologize for note replying individually, but thank you so much. Your support is very important to me. I am a very proud mom-to-be. Love you bunches!

Trip Number One!!!

I'm blogging from Terminal 3 at O'Hare International Airport. I want to thank Karen for driving Dad and me this morning. I know you didn't get any sleep last night... but you were happy to drive us this morning. Thank you very much!

Dad didn't get that much sleep, either. I did OK- about five hours. I want to sleep on the international leg of our trip, anyway.

Well, now it's time to hurry up and wait. First Atlanta, then Moscow. HERE WE GO!!!!! When I was growing up, my family said at the beginning of every road trip.

To Mike: thanks for the phone call this morning. You are very thoughtful. I appreciate your interest and hope that you hold the fort down at work this week!!! Make sure Stubby doesn't get into any more trouble.

Bon Voyage!

The plan leaves in about 14 hours, but Dad and I will hit the road at 3:30 a.m. Monday, to be sure we are at O'Hare with plenty of time for security. My head hurts. I'm tired. But, I'm very excited! :) A new chapter in my life is unfolding! Yippppeeee!

To my friends: You have all supported me through this long process, and I thank you. Tammy, Laure, Kathy, Melissa, Jenny... you guys rock! And Erin and Todd... thanks for the phone call - it really meant a lot to me. Jeana and Christy... my fellow single adoptive-moms... your courage is rubbing off on me. To Anja and Roland, I'm sorry that I couldn't see you on this trip.

To my family. THANK YOU. For all of your support in the past and the near future. My life is completely changing and I couldn't do it without you. Mom and Dad... this journey is extra special because you will be with me.

I leave on Monday! I can't believe it! I'm totally excited, nervous, and terrified. If I think about it too much, my heart races and it's hard to breathe. Then, I take a few breaths and think about how much I want to be a mom . How long I've waited for this. I know that it's the right thing to do... in my heart. My head worries about details and health reports and travel problems.

I know that there will be more heartache to come. But, I also know that this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The best thing that I ever made happen.

On a sad note, I had to take my cat, Peaches, to stay with my grandmother while I travel to Russia. She's only been gone a few hours, but I already miss her. She's really good company and keeps me from being lonely. I wish I had a picture of her to post...

Happy New Year!

I want to wish a Happy New Year to my friends and family. May you be blessed this year, as I am blessed with this referral.

It's finally starting to sink in that I'm traveling to Russia in one week. I leave one week from today! It's surreal because I've been talking about it for so long but nothing was happening.

This weekend, I showed my extended family the pictures of Grace. Today, I saw three girlfriends and bragged about Grace. This is the fun part and I'm enjoying it! :) Everyone says that she's cute, so I know that it's true. People also comment about her obviously hand-knit dress, which I believe is a community-dress in the orphanage.

If you haven't seen a picture, yet, please email me privately. I apologize for not sending it. I will not post her picture on this blog until I receive custody.